Rockin' the Boat

There's a forum online with a variety of ongoing discussions about issues concerning homelessness:

http://www.homelessforums.org/

After looking at only a couple of discussions, I very quickly realized that in many ways, homelessness is a "hot topic."  In this particular forum, there's a mixture of homeless people, formerly homeless people, and people who have never been homeless at all.  In one particular discussion, a rich man from Florida was moaning about his meaningless, sad life, and was contemplating becoming homeless because he thought that they seemed happier, more fulfilled, and enjoyed the things in life he wanted to enjoy, out from under the oppression of the work force and money.  At first there was no reply but multiple views, until eventually a couple of girls began to explain to him that he needed to look into the reality of being homeless, not just his vision of being homeless.  A couple of homeless people that I had noticed commented on a lot of discussions explained to him that they would love to have money in the bank and the security of a job, a home, and healthcare.  Eventually the discussion calmed down and other people started giving suggestions for those with money.

The discussions I looked at all got extremely heated in just a few posts, and this seemed to be a trend in the discussions.  Homelessness is clearly an important topic to a large variety of people, which indicates that the questions I ask on the forum will bring me plenty of interesting replies from people of different economic classes.  Just don't rock the boat!

Glossary

Here's a list of terms commonly used in the homeless/The Contributor community:

customer- anyone driving, walking, or riding past a "vendor" on the street
family- a group of homeless people that work together to survive/live together; not necessarily related
hard sell- selling The Contributor by excessive solicitation, threatening, or pressuring "customers"
the Mission- a place for homeless people to stay overnight
panhandling- begging for money on the street
Paps- the oldest man in a "family"
street newspaper- a paper that only discusses issues concerning homelessness/poverty and is sold by homeless or formerly homeless individuals on the street
Tent City- a community of homeless people that live under a bridge in shacks or self-made tents
vendor- an employee who sells The Contributor and is homeless or formerly homeless

Connectedness

How am I connected to a bunch of homeless people, a hodge-podge of individuals thrown together in Nashville with a common reason that's different than mine?

At first, I had no idea.  But then, I started thinking about their reasons for coming:  to make it "big" in the music industry, to travel back home, to live their dream (whatever it may be).  Then I started thinking about my reasons for coming:  to escape a place I despised in hopes of finding a new home to call my own, to become the person I want to be, to live my big dream of being a dance therapist in a large city.

In some ways, the specifics of our reasons for coming to or staying in Nashville are different, but the purpose is the same:  we all just want what we want.  We want to be happy, have the career we desire most, make it "big" in our chosen field, and establish ourselves in a place, sometimes a new place, that we fit into and can call home.

So what makes them so different from me?  That question scares me, because the only thing that separates us is that they're farther along the road than I am.  What if I have bad luck in life, like they did?  What if my dreams don't come true?  What if I fail?  Many of the homeless in Nashville just had some bad luck happen in their life, whether it was that their dreams didn't come true, they couldn't get a job like they thought they would, or something drastic happened in their life to cause everything to come tumbling down.  Any of those things could very realistically happen to me.  But what would my reaction be?  The reaction of my homeless friends was to turn to alcohol and drugs to cope with the failure they'd become, or just keep trying for their dreams, extremely persistent, even with their guitars worn beyond good use.  Can I reasonably say that I wouldn't do those things?  That if my world, my "reasonable" dreams came crashing down, I would just accept it and keep on living life as if it hadn't affected me?  I can't say that I would.  I wish I could, but in many ways that also helps me connect with these people who are so different than me.  So really, we are all connected; in some ways I do understand them, the only difference is that my fears are their realities.

Maybe these people aren't so different from me.

Keep an Eye on the Customers

Dialogue:

Saw:  I’ll do this, but, uh… I got a lotta customers, you know, so, um… I gotta keep an eye on that.

Me:  Yes, no, of course, that’s completely understandable.  This’ll be really quick.

Saw:  Ok, yeah… that’s all right.

Me:  Where did you grow up?

Saw:  Um, Nashville, Tennessee.

Me:  Oh?  Nashville?

Saw:  Yeah.

Me: What was your home life like as a kid?

Saw:  Uh… very, uh… I was a spoiled person.  Spoiled, yeah, spoiled.

Me:  What did you want to be when you grew up when you were a kid?

Saw:  Football player.

Me:  Football player?

Saw:  Yeah.

Me:  That’s cool.  Were you on any sports teams?

Saw:  Uh, yes, I played for Bellevue, when I was growin’ up, I played, uh, uh… Junior Pro League when I was growin’ up.

Me:  What was that second one?

Saw:  Junior Pro.  Junior Pro League.  And, uh… I guess that’s about all.

Me:  So, um, I guess what brought you to Nashville is just that you’ve always lived here?

Saw:  Always lived here.

Me:  What is a typical day like for you?

Saw:  Um… I’d say normal.

Me:  Yeah.  What do you do from morning to night?  Just a real quick run through.

Saw:  Tryin’ to basically work, yeah work.

Me:  Yeah?

Saw:  Uh-huh.  Uh, I’m goin’ to go over to that lady.

Saw:  You know, I said I had to keep an eye on my customers.

Me:  Yeah, I know, it’s no problem.  Thanks for doing this.

Me:  Do you have somewhere to live right now?

Saw:  Uh, no, I’m… I’m homeless.  Sometimes I stay at the mission.

Me:  Do you have a job, other than selling The Contributor?

Saw:  No, no… I don’t.

Me:  So… if you don’t mind me asking, why do you think that is?  Like, what caused it?

Saw:  No, I don’t mind, um… I mean, I grew up payin’ bills since I was, like, fifteen, so…

Me:  So you think that’s what caused it?  Having to start paying bills so young?

Saw:  Yeah.

Me:  How did you get involved in The Contributor?

Saw:  They just offered me a job, ya know.

Me:  Oh, ok… um… do you like working for The Contributor?  You don’t have to worry, I’m not, like, reporting to anyone or anything.  It’s just a question, part of the interview

Saw:  Uh, yes… I mean, yeah, it’s a job.  And I need a job.  But they’re all right.

Me:  Cool.

Saw:  Yeah, I mean, it’s better than goin’ out and getting in trouble, ya know, and hurting people.  Would you rather me be doing that?

Me:  Oh, no, of course not, no… I was just asking, you know, ‘cause it seems like a tough job, standing out here all day, so I was just wondering.

Saw:  Yeah, it is, but it’s a job, and every job’s got its problems, you know?

Me:  Yeah… oh don’t I…

Saw:  Yeah.

Me:  So tell me more about The Contributor.  Is there anything more you’d like to tell me?  Like, just, anything about The Contributor?

Saw:  Nah, not… not really.  It just really gives me something to do, ya know, rather than… like, when I was thirty, I was doin’ drugs and alcohol, and I'm forty-two now, so, ya know, it’s better than doin’ that.  I’ve had some bad luck.

Me:  Oh? Yeah? Well… I’m sorry about that, um… and that probably doesn’t help anything, the whole situation, does it?  Um… would you mind elaborating on that a little bit?  I’m not trying to pry, I just—

Saw:  Uh, you know, I got a lot of customers right now, so I’m going to have to let you go, all right?

Me:  Oh, ok, well, um, thank you for your time!

Saw:  Yeah, it’s no problem.  I just, uh, I gotta get back to my customers.  See ya.

Analysis:

The first thing I drew from this was said before the interview technically even started, and I jotted it down very quickly once he said it:  the idea of customers.  Maybe it's my narrow-mindedness, or maybe I'm a demeaning person, but I had never thought of the cars driving past vendors of The Contributor as being customers.  In my mind, vendors were still homeless people, who needed money or some kind of a job, and this was the most honest way they could go about that.  But I'd never really thought of it as a business before, or that the vendors would think of all the cars driving past them on a daily basis as customers.  But honestly, if I were doing that job, I would need some way to cope with standing there as nearly every car drove past, the people inside not even looking at me, and I guess the best way to do that would be to think of it as any other job, especially like those in retail, and not take it personally but just think that they didn't want to buy my product, and that's fine.  Almost like I was selling it at a shopping mall or something.  It would be far less demeaning and discouraging to think of it that way instead of, "Well, they just don't want to buy my paper.  Something's wrong with how I'm selling it, " or allow the cynic inside me to say, "No one cares that I'm homeless, foodless, jobless (in a way).  This world is a terrible place full of selfish people who only want for themselves and don't think of the needs of others." Now that'll put a smile on any working face.

I also found it interesting that he thought that he was a spoiled kid.  I'm not going to lie, I was definitely expecting him to say that he had some awful, dramatic home life.  But I guess it kind of fits that he was overly spoiled and thought too much of himself, so when his parents couldn't pay his way anymore or bad luck came his way (which he said it did), then he wouldn't be as able to take care of himself.  However, he did mention that he started paying bills when he was fifteen, so maybe my perception of a spoiled kid is different than his.  Maybe based on where he grew up, he was a spoiled kid, but to me, if he's paying his own bills, he can't possibly be spoiled, because his parents aren't paying for everything for him.  I would've loved to delve into that more, but of course, he didn't seem like he was interested in talking about it, or much of anything at all, and I didn't want to ruin the contact I'd made.

But he's trying to do better for himself, which is a commonality that I hear among vendors of The Contributor and from people begging for money on the street:  they all want to do better for themselves, get a "real" job, be able to afford a place to live-- any place-- and provide for themselves.  They typically see pretty accurately what it is that led them to where they are now, and it's usually bad luck, some kind of failure in a dream profession where success is based on luck and networking, and/or drugs or alcohol.  And I'm encouraged by that, because it makes me believe that maybe I can do better for myself too, despite what's held me back, torn me down, or ripped me apart.  That no matter what, I can hope, dream, and maybe even try to help myself, and someone will be there to help me along.  Isn't that what living in a community is all about anyway?