There were a series of things that I noticed in the hallway linking the practice rooms in the basement of Massey Performing Arts Center: everyone had a water bottle, a surprisingly low number of students actually had their instrument with them, and no one seemed to want to make eye contact with anyone else. There are a few conclusions about music students that I have drawn by linking these seemingly separated qualities most seem to possess.
1) They all have water bottles, because they cannot get dehydrated. Not from getting a fierce workout, no; rather, from excessive use of the lips and tongue for extended periods of time. Sole use of the mouth can cause the musician to be unable to practice up to their full potential if they do not keep a sufficient amount of water on hand at all times-- there's no telling when an impromptu jam or singing session may happen on Belmont's campus, and they must be prepared.
2) The students generally do not have instruments with them because they are predominantly singers and pianists; or, they store their instruments somewhere on the premises. Through observing the music demographic on Belmont's campus, I have determined that there are a wide variety of instruments played by the music students, some of which are not commonly known; therefore, they must have some means of storing their instruments on the premises, since they cannot be nearly all singers and pianists.
3) The lack of desire (or ability) to make eye contact could be for only one reason: paranoia. This paranoia stems from a number of stressful situations the student lives in, including but not limited to, having their livelihood (instrument) stored separate from where they spend the majority of their time, competition among students, and extensive rehearsals with no credit obtained for the time spent.
In short, through this study I have concluded that music students must suffer from dry mouth due to the constant stress and paranoia caused by being a music student, especially concerning the storage of their most prized possession, their instrument, and excessive rehearsals (occasionally without warning) in which large amounts of water are required. By learning these facts of this culture that dominates the Belmont campus, one can understand the reasons why Belmont students are an extreme variation compared to the average college student, and the acceptable way in which to behave when entering this musical culture.
I think overall that this is very good writing. I noticed some passive voice in point number two. "determined that there are a wide variety of instruments played by the music students," I guess a more active voice would be to say, determined that the music students play a wide variety of instruments. Although, in this case I think the use of the passive voice is acceptable because it still has clarity. Overall I think this writing is very good and has a clear point.
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