From the moment I walked into the after school center yesterday, the kids were more rowdy and antsy than I remembered from my previous visit. I realized pretty quickly that with all the rain we had had that day, the kids probably didn't get to go outside a lot or at all, and if they did they probably couldn't play on all the equipment. Oh dear. This was going to be a long day.
It reminded me of my years in grade school, and all the recesses I had, and how they would make rules about where you could or couldn't play when it rains so that you don't get mud all over yourself-- not that you really care, you just love the feeling of freedom for that brief thirty minutes. When I'm around kids in school, especially grade school, I immediately begin to have flashbacks about my time in grade school. My experience was different in some ways, but similar in others, as the kids at the center. But mostly, all I can think is that they're just kids, and I remember how simple life was back then (not that I thought it was simple, I had serious issues back then, like birthday parties and what presents I wanted for Christmas). And then I think back to all the teachers and "older kids" that had an impact on my life, and it scares me because I think, "That's me. Right now. Everything I do, everything I say, these kids are paying attention to. And ultimately, they may remember quite well the college student from Belmont that used to come and help them with their homework; I know I remember a lot of people from my younger years who probably didn't realize the significant impact they had on my life, even just a memory." So for a brief second, I get afraid. I worry. I watch my actions more than usual. And then, I start interacting with the kids, and I am reminded that no matter what I say or do, even if they remember, these kids are young and innocent, with fresh minds and ideas. They are impressionable, but so am I. I'll remember my experience with them just as much as they will theirs with me, and that's the beauty of getting involved in others' lives: what goes around comes around. These kids are making an impact on me.
So what did I learn today? Grade school homework is hard, and I don't think I use half of what they're teaching these kids in math and english. I didn't know what an appository was, and I was also pretty positive that the kids didn't need to in order to succeed in life or even go to college. But it's all about assignments and grades, so I did my best to look back at their lessons, be vulnerable enough to ask them questions (disguising it as assessing their knowledge of the subject), and try to figure it out with them. There were a couple of girls, however, who didn't want to read their assignment. They wanted me to tell them the answers to the questions. What they didn't realize, though, is that I hadn't read the assignment either, so I didn't even know the answers. But that was beyond the point; I had to try to teach them a lesson in the importance of reading for class (don't I know that as a college student). So they batted their little eyes and tried to charm me into doing their homework for them, but I stood my ground. Next they threw tantrums; I threatened time out (these girls were far too old for time out). Eventually, though, I wore them down, and grudgingly they sat down, read the assignment, then filled out the answers. They gave me their homework to check, and their answers were excellent. I told them so, but they didn't seem pleased at all. They were still frustrated with me. See, they're smart girls; that's not the problem. I think the problem is the two methods they tried with me worked one time with someone, and they remembered and held onto that with the idea that it would work again.
Wow, what an impact someone had on their life. These kids really are impressionable and, even if subconsciously, they will remember everything about my visit: my authority, my demeanor, my helpfulness, and my appearance. Maybe she'll remember the girl who made her read her assignment, and that same girl told her she was smart and had excellent answers because she did her homework properly. Maybe. But most importantly, the words I say to them and my actions will be seared in their minds forever. What an awesome opportunity. The question for me, though, is: can I handle this? Twenty kids for an hour or two a few days? Whether I can or not, I have to. So take a deep breath, and go in there. Welcome to adulthood.
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